Adventures of Bob, The Plush Alien Toy

Aemilia walked into Bubbles of Joy, a store of greeting cards, Beanie Babies, candles, assorted gifts, and Other Stuffed Toys. Walking down an aisle, she accidentally bumped into a shelving unit. Turning to the shelf to make sure nothing fell off, Aemilia came face to face with… an alien. An alien toy, to be exact, made of plush green fabric with big blue eyes and two feet. Quite unexpectedly, the alien started up a conversation. The conversation went something like this:

Plush Alien: “Pssst.”

Aemilia: “Um. Huh?”

“PSSSSST. Over here. The green fuzzy alien. No, to your right. Not my right, your right. Getting warmer. Getting… warmer… there. Here I am, on the corner.”

“Uhhh.”

“Take me home with you.”

“Huh?”

“C’mon, be a pal. Get me out of this store.”

“Huh…”

“C’mon! Pleeeeease? It’s terrible here. The smell of that Cranberry Sunrise candle over there makes me want to hurl. The Beanie Babies are all like in this big clique and won’t socialize with us. Oh well, they’re full of beans anyway. Get it? Beans? Beanie babies? See, I’m funny.”

“You’re full of beans, too.”

“Yeah. Okay. You got me. What do you say? Take me home, put me on a nice shelf away from children with grubby hands and dogs that slobber…”

“You don’t have any arms. And you have a terrible rhyme on your tag.”

“Just rub it in, won’t you? You think I like that dumb rhyme? You think I enjoy having no arms??”

“Sore subject, huh?”

“Totally. Now take me home. I’m only six bucks and you can feel good about taking home a little green fuzzy alien with no arms and big blue eyes.”

“You’re creeping me out.”

“I’m an alien, what did you expect?”

“Do the other little aliens on this shelf talk?”

“No. They are totally silent. Completely shy. Never say a word. You don’t want any of them. They aren’t as charming as I am.”

“I see. I don’t think you’d like coming home with me today. I have three cats.”

“You… have… three? Oh. Um. Love cats. Just adore them. Take me home and find out, we’ll be the best of friends.”

“Okay… well… we have no air conditioning this weekend.”

“I’m from the deepest recesses of cold space. Just how do you expect me to live without air conditioning??”

“See, I told you.”

“Wait wait wait… don’t goooo! You have fans. You must have fans. Just put me in front of a fan.”

“I don’t know…”

“Please?? I’ll even tell you my real name!”

“Your tag says your name is Roswell.”

“It’s not. Nope. It’s… Bob.”

“Bob? Give me a break…”

“No. Really. It’s Bob. All these other chuckleheads on the shelf can be Roswell, I want to be Bob.”

“Oookkkkaaaayyyyy…”

“Okay? Really??? You won’t regret it.”

“You may regret it. I’m going to put you on my computer monitor next to my collection of McDonald’s Beanie Babies.”

“What???”

“You can hang out with my Godzilla toy and the killer rabbit toy from the Monty Python movie instead?”

“Really? Sweeeeeeet.”


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