“News”

I don’t know if all local news is like this (but I suspect it probably is, at least in the US) but our news here in Arizona sucks harder than a vaccuum. Our newscasters are Barbie dolls and fools. The “news” stories are typically stuff that really isn’t “news” at all, but stories of personal tragedy. For instance, a house fire is not a news story. It is a sad thing, certainly, but it is not news. A car accident is probably not news either. The stories they run also tend to be a little sleazy, because everyone knows that a good sex scandal rakes in the bucks. Of course, it’s all the better if the sex scandal involves a priest, teacher, or daycare provider. They will cover the hell out of a sex scandal story involving a day care worker, sending people all over the damn Valley to cover events that occurred in locations about six hours previous to the broadcast. Oh, then there are the stories about weight loss and fat people and “OMG FAT PEOPLE DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!” complete with many shots of people’s stomachs walking down the road. Yes, Virginia, there are obese people out there. Stop the goddamn presses.

Our “newscasters” also seem to have a particular, neverending fondness for stories about “internet predators.” If you watch the news around here enough, you will start to think that everyone that chats with your children over the internet is out to have sex with them. Either that, or the person on the other side of the mouse is a cop out to stop predators. This is an especially big story if it happens to be a sweeps month, even though the story is essentially the same story they ran last week, last month, and last year. Sure, they may talk to a different cop, or a different “predator” with a hidden face, but the message is the same: The internet is scary, so watch your kids. Amen to that, surely, but… do we need every station to cover this same story over and over again? It seems like there’s a line here between news and obsession. It’s a morbid obsession to keep describing how perverted adults get underage girls and boys to meet them in creepy locations. Do people get a thrill from hearing about this stuff? It sure seems like it.

Also: what is with all the “team coverage?” One dimwit covering a story is plenty, especially if they are just going to stand out in front of a building and talk about something that’s totally not going on at that moment. There is no need to send Barbie, Ken, and Skipper out to different places to say, “Stuff happened here yesterday/earlier today/sometime in the future even, but it’s all over/hasn’t happened yet. Insert name and station ID here.” Gee, how… insightful?


2 Responses to ““News””

  1. aaaarroooowww Says:

    What station is it that has (dun dun duuuuuuun) The Investigators? 12 I think? They were the ones that had the big astonishing news investigation that showed that people were looking at porn on library computers! OMG!!1! And last week they went to the DMV and stalked all the employees on their smoke breaks. They didn’t go after Mary on the phone for 45 minutes with her sister, or Roger who was busy hitting on Jen every 10 minutes all day, they focused soley on those evil smokers!

    And then there’s the newspapers, with Obligatory National Story on the lower right eighth of the page, and then the rest is shiny happy stories about making your own Martha Poncho. blek.

    Sad thing is, heads *roll* after those Investigator stories, no matter how stupid they are.

  2. Aemilia Says:

    This is very, very true.

    Haven’t people heard that song from Avenue Q, “The Internet Was Made For Porn?”

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