Group Work Sucks Mango

Like, fer real. We split up into groups tonight, as we sometimes unfortunately are forced to do in this class, and I didn’t end up contributing anything but carbon dioxide and body heat. I was at the end of a row of four of us, and I couldn’t hear a goddamn thing anybody was saying to each other. (It was noisy in there. I don’t need a hearing aid. Honest.) The girl next to me is friends with the girl next to her, so her entire body was facing the opposite direction of me, effectively closing me off from the rest of the group. So… they just went ahead and answered the questions themselves. And then, when they’re all done, girl next to girl who was next to me turns to me and asks if I have anything to add.

Yes, I do, actually. Group work sucks ass and I hate all of you. But I didn’t say that.

No, I didn’t have anything to add, because I had managed to hear, over the general din of the room, some of their answers, and it was everything I was going to contribute. In short, I looked like a total boob and the dimmest bulb in the room.

But really, what ass starts group work at 9 PM? Only this particular dopey prof would do that. Pffft.

Has anyone really gained anything from this sort of group work? At all? I can’t think of a single time when it’s been anything more than a challenge just to keep myself from slaughtering my groupmates because they smell, are morons, chew with their mouths open, or are stuck-up obnoxious pigmen. It’s a total waste of time to do this sort of classwork because the group usually gets divided into the same essential roles: The Gabber, who runs his or her mouth off the whole time, whether right or wrong; The Secretary, who dutifully scribbles anything the Gabber says down in his or her notebook in fuschia ink; The Strong and Silent Type, who picks dirt out from under his or her fingernails with the edge of his or her notebook instead of contributing anything useful; and The Doer, who is the poor sap who ends up doing the whole project or answering the entire question himself or herself, while the rest of the group either talks nonsense, writes nonsense, or gets further lost in his or her own little universe. You know it’s true.

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