My List of Demands to the Writers of “24”

Dear Writers of “24,” and Kiefer too:

I have been a loyal and devoted fan of your show. “24” Night at our house is our weekly religious gathering, even more so now that “Battlestar Galactica” is on reruns until July. As such, I feel entirely entitled to make a few demands for the rest of this season

1. You will not bring Kim back. You. Will. Not.
2. President Palmer, already returning in the next episode (SQUEE), will decide to run again for President at the end of this season, because the current Prez and VP on the show this year suck. Hiding in the bunker? Bitch, PLEASE.
3. You will bring Michelle and Tony back together. And I don’t mean just hinting around it, either. We expect smooching, holding hands, and breakfast together at Denny’s in the last episode.
4. You will learn your Iowa geography. The so-called “mountainous terrain” where the convoy was attacked in Iowa? It… doesn’t… exist. Iowa is flatter than a piece of construction paper, as far as I know, and I confirmed this with a former Iowa resident.
5. No Kim. None.
6. No Chase, either, so don’t even think of cheating like that.
7. Can we perhaps see less of Chloe? Pretty please with nuclear warheads on top?
8. More Marwan. Rawrr.
9. Are Jack and Audrey actually going to make it through the season or not? Make up your minds!
10. Just kill off Audrey’s estranged husband already. The guy’s suffered enough this season. Snuff him out.

Thank you for your consideration. I expect these demands to be enacted by the next episode.

With Much Love,
Aemilia, “24” Fangirl


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