Open Letter to the Lady Who Just Called Me

Dear Lady:

To clarify, I am not “just the girl who answers the phone.”

I do indeed know what I’m talking about, and if you hadn’t been brought up in a barn you would have paused for a breath in your diatribe and allowed me the opportunity to demonstrate my considerable knowledge of our membership practices. It is unfortunate that in the practice of verbal human discourse that one must indeed pause to allow others to introduce words and ideas if one is to expect a civilized discussion. I realize it must bring you much pleasure to speak endlessly, but sadly, you rant at your own peril. If you want a question answered, you must shut your mouth at some point in the discussion. I am sorry to be the one to point this out to you. It interests me that someone else along the way, perhaps a parent or an aggravated co-worker, has not alerted you to this peculiar phenomenon of human interaction.

You, Lady, (and I use the word only in the most literal sense that you are, I can only assume, female) are possibly the most awful person I have had the misfortune to speak with during my nearly three years of service to this office. This is a long, distinguished list of malcontents and potty-mouths that you have now topped, and I hope that your black heart swells with the pride of your accomplishment. I shall remember your belligerence always.

Sincerely, with no affection whatsoever,


PS– Your mother smells of elderberries.

One Response to “Open Letter to the Lady Who Just Called Me”

  1. Loren Says:

    Glad to know I am not the only one who feels that way about my list of rude people I have to help. Well Put!

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